Thought #1: I can't believe it's already almost September. I say that constantly, but August seemed to truly fly by. With starting a new job and getting used to some other changes it has all been a blur the past few weeks.
Thought #2: Where is the balance between letting what will happen happen and going out there and getting what you want? Since all you can control is yourself and what you do there are times where patience is completely necessary to get to where/what you want, but what's that balance? When do you simply give up control and stay positive that you'll get to where you need/want to be?
Thought #3: I've been trying to get back in shape and was doing really well until my ankle started acting up pretty bad. I had Achilles issues three years ago that started during preseason of my college season. I wasn't able to do much about them and didn't want to miss the season so I played through them and ended up in a boot for 6 months after the season ended. Since it flares up here and there, but the past week or so has been by far the worst it's been since that initial time. Tis frustrating.
Thought #4: I have a good feeling about this week, I think it's going to go well :)
Sunday, August 30, 2015
Sunday, August 23, 2015
Days like today...
Today was just one of those days where nothing really went right.
Woke up just feeling crappy. Tried to shake myself out of it but was very stuck.
Decided to head to the library to grab the next book in the series I'm reading and the library didn't open for another hour. Drove around, killed some time at one of my favorite spots by the lake, went back to the library and they still weren't open. Turns out they're not open on Sunday's during the summer, but silly me just checked on the little window that opens in Google and it said "open today 1-5" because those are their non-summer Sunday hours. Woof.
Came home, tried to take a nap and feel better and just couldn't sleep. Drew a bit, wrote a bit, tried to clean up my room, ANYTHING to get out of my funk and it just wasn't working.
Finally it was the time I was supposed to be meeting up with a friend when she got off work. She completely blew me off. I even texted her and got nothing. Not the first time it's happened, so I guess I shouldn't be too surprised, but she's the one who initiated this and has been complaining to me that I haven't made time to see her, so.....
Was supposed to pick up said book I was looking for from a friend later in the evening, turned out he wasn't able to find his copy.
So now I'm sitting her blogging and writing and hoping to get a good night's rest and feel better in the morning. Hopefully I'll get a solid start to the week tomorrow rather than the crappy Monday I had last week that lead to a not-so-fun continuous week.
Fingers crossed. Deep breaths. Let's get a fresh start tomorrow.
Woke up just feeling crappy. Tried to shake myself out of it but was very stuck.
Decided to head to the library to grab the next book in the series I'm reading and the library didn't open for another hour. Drove around, killed some time at one of my favorite spots by the lake, went back to the library and they still weren't open. Turns out they're not open on Sunday's during the summer, but silly me just checked on the little window that opens in Google and it said "open today 1-5" because those are their non-summer Sunday hours. Woof.
Came home, tried to take a nap and feel better and just couldn't sleep. Drew a bit, wrote a bit, tried to clean up my room, ANYTHING to get out of my funk and it just wasn't working.
Finally it was the time I was supposed to be meeting up with a friend when she got off work. She completely blew me off. I even texted her and got nothing. Not the first time it's happened, so I guess I shouldn't be too surprised, but she's the one who initiated this and has been complaining to me that I haven't made time to see her, so.....
Was supposed to pick up said book I was looking for from a friend later in the evening, turned out he wasn't able to find his copy.
So now I'm sitting her blogging and writing and hoping to get a good night's rest and feel better in the morning. Hopefully I'll get a solid start to the week tomorrow rather than the crappy Monday I had last week that lead to a not-so-fun continuous week.
Fingers crossed. Deep breaths. Let's get a fresh start tomorrow.
Thoughts of the Day - 8/23
Thought #1 - Noticing the quality of some of the friends in my life has a downside - I've noticed how lacking some of my other friends are in certain areas. I know that sounds terrible, but honestly it has just made me see how poorly some of my friends treat me and our friendship and made me realize I may need to re-prioritize and adjust expectations.
Thought #2 - The weather was gorgeous today. Nice and cool this morning, then did warm up and had some beautiful sunshine for the day and now it's cooling down again. The greatness of summer with the start of the welcoming arms of Autumn :)
Thought #3 - Yesterday I Skyped with a couple of my friends overseas and it really hit me how much I miss them. Definitely need to start saving up to go see them asap!!!
Thought #2 - The weather was gorgeous today. Nice and cool this morning, then did warm up and had some beautiful sunshine for the day and now it's cooling down again. The greatness of summer with the start of the welcoming arms of Autumn :)
Thought #3 - Yesterday I Skyped with a couple of my friends overseas and it really hit me how much I miss them. Definitely need to start saving up to go see them asap!!!
Saturday, August 22, 2015
Thoughts of the Day - 8/22/15
Thought #1 - Very ready to transition to having my own place, and my family is too. I've been looking but now looking by myself for a one bedroom the amount I'll have to spend is scaring me a bit and I'm wrapping my head around what I'll need to do to afford it. I've been living not having to worry about how much I spend and how often I go out with friends, I'm definitely going to have to tighten that up. Part of growing up.
Thought #2 - It can be tough to separate being upset over a situation and actually being mad at a person involved in that situation. I'm upset over a situation and although I understand why a friend had to do what they did, I'm still upset. I'm trying not to be mad at that friend because I do understand the big picture reasons it happened, but I'm super frustrated at the timing that it happened and how it went down. So I'm working on separating the two and maintaining that friendship.
Thought #3 - I'm at that in between stage where I really enjoy being single but am also lonely at times and really wish I had a boyfriend. Like I don't want to constantly be with someone else and I am very used to being independent and on my own, but I think I'm getting to a point where I'm ready to have that person by my side again. Now I just have to figure things out with the person I've had feelings for for a while....
Thought #4 - Life talks are wonderful. The past week I've had a few with a couple different people and they've really helped me clear my head about a couple things. And even if that talk doesn't lead you to a solution about some of the trouble you've been facing, sometimes just saying it out loud and getting support from someone can help an immense amount. Grateful for my friends that offered me their ears this week :)
Thought #2 - It can be tough to separate being upset over a situation and actually being mad at a person involved in that situation. I'm upset over a situation and although I understand why a friend had to do what they did, I'm still upset. I'm trying not to be mad at that friend because I do understand the big picture reasons it happened, but I'm super frustrated at the timing that it happened and how it went down. So I'm working on separating the two and maintaining that friendship.
Thought #3 - I'm at that in between stage where I really enjoy being single but am also lonely at times and really wish I had a boyfriend. Like I don't want to constantly be with someone else and I am very used to being independent and on my own, but I think I'm getting to a point where I'm ready to have that person by my side again. Now I just have to figure things out with the person I've had feelings for for a while....
Thought #4 - Life talks are wonderful. The past week I've had a few with a couple different people and they've really helped me clear my head about a couple things. And even if that talk doesn't lead you to a solution about some of the trouble you've been facing, sometimes just saying it out loud and getting support from someone can help an immense amount. Grateful for my friends that offered me their ears this week :)
Thursday, August 20, 2015
Thoughts of the Day - August 20th, 2015
1. I am a very goal oriented person and I think many of the struggles I had when I graduated was that I had no more concrete, easy to define, clear goals in my path. I am setting a goal to set more goals for myself! Small ones, big ones, everything in between - because of the way I am I think I need something concrete and track-able.
2. I know it's been on here before, but I have amazing people in my life that I am so very grateful for.
3. Tomorrow is Friday :)
2. I know it's been on here before, but I have amazing people in my life that I am so very grateful for.
3. Tomorrow is Friday :)
You is important
Why is the first thing to go when we get stressed self care and self love?
I've had a really rough past couple weeks and today it truly hit me how much I've let that stop me from doing things that make me feel good which only intensifies the problems.
I get stressed and I stop tracking my food and eating right. I stop working out. I stop writing. I stop taking and editing photos. I stop being organized.
So when I feel bad I stop doing the things that make me feel good which, well, kind of makes me feel even less good.
So quick note to self and whoever is out there - self care is even more important when you're down than when you're up. Make yourself a priority, especially if there are others that count on you. I now work in a job where I help broken people all day long, if I let myself tumble how I am supposed to help them? It's not selfish to put yourself first, many times it's simply being responsible.
I've had a really rough past couple weeks and today it truly hit me how much I've let that stop me from doing things that make me feel good which only intensifies the problems.
I get stressed and I stop tracking my food and eating right. I stop working out. I stop writing. I stop taking and editing photos. I stop being organized.
So when I feel bad I stop doing the things that make me feel good which, well, kind of makes me feel even less good.
So quick note to self and whoever is out there - self care is even more important when you're down than when you're up. Make yourself a priority, especially if there are others that count on you. I now work in a job where I help broken people all day long, if I let myself tumble how I am supposed to help them? It's not selfish to put yourself first, many times it's simply being responsible.
Monday, August 10, 2015
Concert Photo Blog
Hey there - if you like live music and/or photography I just finally got my photography blog and some social media sites up and running:
https://hlowphoto.tumblr.com
https://instagram.com/hlowphoto
https://twitter.com/hlowphoto
Check them out and let me know what you think! I'm still editing about 20 shots that I got this past weekend at a show and will hopefully continue to grow what I'm shooting and posting!
https://hlowphoto.tumblr.com
https://instagram.com/hlowphoto
https://twitter.com/hlowphoto
Check them out and let me know what you think! I'm still editing about 20 shots that I got this past weekend at a show and will hopefully continue to grow what I'm shooting and posting!
Sunday, August 9, 2015
Letting go...
Something I've been thinking a lot about this weekend is letting go of things and moving on. Sometimes it's easy and wonderful and you're looking forward to the change, and other times is scary and uncomfortable. Then there are those times when you know you need to for your own good but it's difficult because although the negatives are weighing on you, you don't want to lose the positives.
Whether it be a job, a relationship, a friendship, a living situation, whatever the case may be, letting go is a flurry of emotions.
About three months ago I hit a brick wall and realized how badly I was doing at my job. Not in job performance, I was excelling there, but in myself. I was moody, stressed, incredibly anxious, and just altogether not doing well as me. Looking back I was behaving and feeling this way for a long time, but was so caught up in it that I didn't even notice.
Now that I have a new position that I am so far loving I feel a complete change in myself. My stress levels, my anxiety, my happiness, my motivation, everything has flipped around in the desired direction. Now, I try to not let my job define me too too much, but regardless of how much we try to separate work and personal life you have to recognize that what you do does affect you greatly, so this change has been huge for me.
This has happened to me in a romantic relationship as well - things were going very well for a period of time and then all of a sudden, months later, I had an epiphany where I realized how unhappy I was and why. In retrospect, it was an emotionally abusive relationship, and the other party turned that blame on me for another period of time during which I didn't recognize what was happening and took to heart that it was my fault for feeling this way and that I alone could make things better. That way of thinking was wrong, and when I finally got myself away from it and out of the relationship I really realized how much better things were moving forward.
I've also recently experienced this with friendships, and I think I'm going to have to soon again as well. I've met some really amazing people the past few months and have grown closer with friends that I had but didn't really see much. Throughout the past two months I've really learned the value of having fewer good friends that more not-so-good friends. I've learned that having a small group that I trust and am at ease with is far better than trying to see tons of different people and keep up with so many friends from school that I was never truly connecting with.
I think soon I'm going to have to face one of the challenging "letting go" times though. I have someone who was, for a short period of time, one of my closest friends. But since that short period of time, now looking back, I'm realizing how difficult our 'friendship' has actually been for me. I'm also realizing that although I valued our friendship in the past, and there are times when I've truly leaned on this person, that anymore this friendship is toxic to me. I didn't realize it sooner because I was so focused on hanging onto the good times but after today and venting and really looking back with a mutual friend I've come to this difficult truth.
Lately I've also been recognizing how letting go of bad things really can re-open your life to be able to bring more good back into it. Whether it was me quitting my job that had me on the road 85% of the time and often working over 70 hours a week, or me letting go of a 'friend' who was really damaging my spirit and happiness I've found that the last three or four weeks I've felt lighter and happier than I have in a long time. I've spent some more time on hobbies like photography and painting. I've invested into quality time with that smaller group of closer friends and made some incredible connections and memories. And I've had some time to reflect on life and what I want from it, and what it may take to get there.
I guess the moral of the story is sometimes you do truly have to just let go of something - it may be difficult at first, but if it's the right thing and you're freeing yourself you'll be opening yourself up for so many other amazing things.
Don't beat yourself up if it takes you a while to recognize when it's time to move on, when you're right in the middle of the situation it can be difficult to have perspective and easy to be too caught up in what's going on to face it down. But recognize your value and rid your life of all the toxicity that you can - do you and be happy.
Whether it be a job, a relationship, a friendship, a living situation, whatever the case may be, letting go is a flurry of emotions.
About three months ago I hit a brick wall and realized how badly I was doing at my job. Not in job performance, I was excelling there, but in myself. I was moody, stressed, incredibly anxious, and just altogether not doing well as me. Looking back I was behaving and feeling this way for a long time, but was so caught up in it that I didn't even notice.
Now that I have a new position that I am so far loving I feel a complete change in myself. My stress levels, my anxiety, my happiness, my motivation, everything has flipped around in the desired direction. Now, I try to not let my job define me too too much, but regardless of how much we try to separate work and personal life you have to recognize that what you do does affect you greatly, so this change has been huge for me.
This has happened to me in a romantic relationship as well - things were going very well for a period of time and then all of a sudden, months later, I had an epiphany where I realized how unhappy I was and why. In retrospect, it was an emotionally abusive relationship, and the other party turned that blame on me for another period of time during which I didn't recognize what was happening and took to heart that it was my fault for feeling this way and that I alone could make things better. That way of thinking was wrong, and when I finally got myself away from it and out of the relationship I really realized how much better things were moving forward.
I've also recently experienced this with friendships, and I think I'm going to have to soon again as well. I've met some really amazing people the past few months and have grown closer with friends that I had but didn't really see much. Throughout the past two months I've really learned the value of having fewer good friends that more not-so-good friends. I've learned that having a small group that I trust and am at ease with is far better than trying to see tons of different people and keep up with so many friends from school that I was never truly connecting with.
I think soon I'm going to have to face one of the challenging "letting go" times though. I have someone who was, for a short period of time, one of my closest friends. But since that short period of time, now looking back, I'm realizing how difficult our 'friendship' has actually been for me. I'm also realizing that although I valued our friendship in the past, and there are times when I've truly leaned on this person, that anymore this friendship is toxic to me. I didn't realize it sooner because I was so focused on hanging onto the good times but after today and venting and really looking back with a mutual friend I've come to this difficult truth.
Lately I've also been recognizing how letting go of bad things really can re-open your life to be able to bring more good back into it. Whether it was me quitting my job that had me on the road 85% of the time and often working over 70 hours a week, or me letting go of a 'friend' who was really damaging my spirit and happiness I've found that the last three or four weeks I've felt lighter and happier than I have in a long time. I've spent some more time on hobbies like photography and painting. I've invested into quality time with that smaller group of closer friends and made some incredible connections and memories. And I've had some time to reflect on life and what I want from it, and what it may take to get there.
I guess the moral of the story is sometimes you do truly have to just let go of something - it may be difficult at first, but if it's the right thing and you're freeing yourself you'll be opening yourself up for so many other amazing things.
Don't beat yourself up if it takes you a while to recognize when it's time to move on, when you're right in the middle of the situation it can be difficult to have perspective and easy to be too caught up in what's going on to face it down. But recognize your value and rid your life of all the toxicity that you can - do you and be happy.
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