Something I've been thinking a lot about this weekend is letting go of things and moving on. Sometimes it's easy and wonderful and you're looking forward to the change, and other times is scary and uncomfortable. Then there are those times when you know you need to for your own good but it's difficult because although the negatives are weighing on you, you don't want to lose the positives.
Whether it be a job, a relationship, a friendship, a living situation, whatever the case may be, letting go is a flurry of emotions.
About three months ago I hit a brick wall and realized how badly I was doing at my job. Not in job performance, I was excelling there, but in myself. I was moody, stressed, incredibly anxious, and just altogether not doing well as me. Looking back I was behaving and feeling this way for a long time, but was so caught up in it that I didn't even notice.
Now that I have a new position that I am so far loving I feel a complete change in myself. My stress levels, my anxiety, my happiness, my motivation, everything has flipped around in the desired direction. Now, I try to not let my job define me too too much, but regardless of how much we try to separate work and personal life you have to recognize that what you do does affect you greatly, so this change has been huge for me.
This has happened to me in a romantic relationship as well - things were going very well for a period of time and then all of a sudden, months later, I had an epiphany where I realized how unhappy I was and why. In retrospect, it was an emotionally abusive relationship, and the other party turned that blame on me for another period of time during which I didn't recognize what was happening and took to heart that it was my fault for feeling this way and that I alone could make things better. That way of thinking was wrong, and when I finally got myself away from it and out of the relationship I really realized how much better things were moving forward.
I've also recently experienced this with friendships, and I think I'm going to have to soon again as well. I've met some really amazing people the past few months and have grown closer with friends that I had but didn't really see much. Throughout the past two months I've really learned the value of having fewer good friends that more not-so-good friends. I've learned that having a small group that I trust and am at ease with is far better than trying to see tons of different people and keep up with so many friends from school that I was never truly connecting with.
I think soon I'm going to have to face one of the challenging "letting go" times though. I have someone who was, for a short period of time, one of my closest friends. But since that short period of time, now looking back, I'm realizing how difficult our 'friendship' has actually been for me. I'm also realizing that although I valued our friendship in the past, and there are times when I've truly leaned on this person, that anymore this friendship is toxic to me. I didn't realize it sooner because I was so focused on hanging onto the good times but after today and venting and really looking back with a mutual friend I've come to this difficult truth.
Lately I've also been recognizing how letting go of bad things really can re-open your life to be able to bring more good back into it. Whether it was me quitting my job that had me on the road 85% of the time and often working over 70 hours a week, or me letting go of a 'friend' who was really damaging my spirit and happiness I've found that the last three or four weeks I've felt lighter and happier than I have in a long time. I've spent some more time on hobbies like photography and painting. I've invested into quality time with that smaller group of closer friends and made some incredible connections and memories. And I've had some time to reflect on life and what I want from it, and what it may take to get there.
I guess the moral of the story is sometimes you do truly have to just let go of something - it may be difficult at first, but if it's the right thing and you're freeing yourself you'll be opening yourself up for so many other amazing things.
Don't beat yourself up if it takes you a while to recognize when it's time to move on, when you're right in the middle of the situation it can be difficult to have perspective and easy to be too caught up in what's going on to face it down. But recognize your value and rid your life of all the toxicity that you can - do you and be happy.
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